Steve Jobs held his “damage control” iPhone 4 session today.  Here are some of the things Mr. Jobs said:

• The issue has been blown way out of proportion.
• Other phones have a similar issue.
• If you visit an Apple store between now and September 30th you can get a bumper case for free, which will eliminate the problem.
• Apple hasn’t had its head in the sand on this issue, it has only been 22 days since the release of iPhone 4.

Here’s what I think Steve Jobs wanted to say:

• People who buy iPhones are cool, who cares if it actually works?
• Only 8.5% of our customers are left-handed, so we are pleased to report our right-handed customers are very satisfied.
• I beat pancreatic cancer, you think a little reception problem bothers me?
• All you media folks can get back to your Deepwater Horizon coverage.
• I am canceling my Consumer Reports subscription and the Consumer Reports iPhone app has been removed from the application store.

Firing Trey Hillman and installing Ned Yost as manager has seemingly jump started the Royals.  I expect this to be a short term surge of good play, because quite frankly, the Royals have very little talent at the Major League level.  Their minor league system is on the rise and even though I am first and foremost a Tigers fan I secretly root for KC when they are not playing my Tigers.  Let’s look at some of the prospects in the Royals system and I will explain why I am optimistic about the Royals future.

*Mike Moustakas, 3B, AA (Northwest Arkansas Naturals)*

Moustakas is leading ALL of the minors in slugging.  He currently checks in at an absurd .750 SLG % thanks to 13 doubles and 12 home runs in only 128 at bats.  He is also walking nearly as much as he strikes out (17 BB, 20 Ks).  Moustakas is the main reason the Royals demoted Alex Gordon and moved him to the OF.  If the Moose can play passable defense at 3B then the Royals will be set at the hot corner for a long time.  With Mike Stanton, Mike Trout and Mike Montgomery also tearing up the minors, 2010 appears to be the year of the Mikes.

*Michael Montgomery, SP, AA (Northwest Arkansas Naturals)*

Here is another good reason to make the short drive to Springdale, Arkansas to watch a game if you live in southwest Missouri like I do.  Montgomery is a tall, lanky lefty currently dominating minor league batters by holding them to a paltry .203 BA.  He is striking out more than 9 batters per 9 innings and has displayed solid command with 13 walks in 50 innings.  Montgomery is completely out shining past draft holdout Aaron Crow.  Crow was drafted out of Mizzou 9th overall by Washington in 2008, but did not sign and was redrafted by the Royals in 2009 with their first pick.

*Danny Duffy, SP, @ extended Spring Training*

Duffy, another lefty, had a very good year at Wilmington in 2009, then shocked everyone by taking a leave of absence from baseball in March of this year.  He decided to come back to baseball yesterday and will be temporarily sent to extended Spring Training in Surprise, Arizona.  I am guessing after that he will go back to Wilmington or will be promoted to AA Northwest Arkansas, where he was supposed to begin this season.  If he goes to AA the top 3 of Montgomery, Crow and Duffy would have to be one of the best in the minors.  Duffy was 9-3 with a 2.98 ERA in 2009.

*Wil Myers, CA, A (Burlington Bees)*

Wil’s .278 BA might not be eye-popping, but after a bad April he has heated up in May.  Myers is also showing solid power with 7 home runs and a .478 SLG% in a league that is tough for hitters.  Scouts love his bat, but have questions about his defense.  I will keep my fingers crossed that his glove is good enough and the Royals will actually have a decent catcher so I can forget the days of Jason Kendall, Brayan Pena, John Buck and Miguel Olivo.  Another positive sign is his patience at the plate (he already has 31 walks in 176 at bats).

*2012/2013 possible lineup*

• CA – Wil Myers
• 1B – Eric Hosmer (currently hitting very well @ Wilmington)
• 2B – Alberto Callaspo
• SS – Mike Aviles or free agent signing (please no Betancourt)
• 3B – Mike Moustakas
• LF – Alex Gordon (hitting well in AAA, .368 AVG, 9 HRs)
• CF – David DeJesus or free agent signing
• RF – Free agent signing or someone acquired via trade
• DH – Billy Butler
• SP – Zach Greinke
• SP – Joakim Soria (I have always thought Soria, with his 4 pitch arsenal, should be a starter).
• SP – Michael Montgomery
• SP – Aaron Crow
• SP – Danny Duffy (or Luke Hochevar)

I am a big believer in trying new things.  Some call it a Bucket List, some call it life’s To Do list — and others call it just being crazy.  Whether it is trying new exotic foods, running a marathon or defending myself in court without legal representation, I have found these life experiences often end up being slightly painful but ultimately rewarding.

Naturally, when I got my first speeding ticket in 17 years of driving I figured it was the perfect chance to cross “defending myself in court” off my list.  I had a pretrial hearing in early February, where I entered a plead of not guilty.  The judge asked if I would enlist the services of a lawyer and was a bit surprised when I said “No”.

My trial date was set for March 15th, so I started Googling phrases like “getting out of a speeding ticket”, “radar gun +fog”, “Missouri traffic laws” and “historical weather data”.  The morning I was ticketed there was a heavy fog in Joplin and I thought perhaps fog could mess with the range and accuracy of a radar gun.  I stumbled across historical weather records on Weather Underground and was able to find the exact weather conditions at 8:06 AM on the day I was ticketed (0.0 miles of visibility plus fog).  This became Exhibit A in my defense.  The miracle of Google also helped me discover that you can go to your local Missouri license bureau to request a copy of your Missouri Driver record.  This document lists speeding tickets and other violations, plus your licenses and permits.  This became Exhibit B in my defense.

I showed up on my trial date resigned to losing, nervous as hell and sweating profusely.  46 other people were also on the docket for that day, but the field was whittled down to about 10, after cases were dismissed, warrants were issued for arrest for the people who failed to show up and others chose to plead guilty with an explanation.  The judge called the police officer who issued my ticket to the stand and the city prosecutor asked the officer some basic questions.  The officer responded to the prosecutor’s questions in a monotone voice.  I generally agreed with everything he said, except he said there was a light fog (it was a heavy fog) and he said he visually estimated my speed at 47 miles per hour, which I found quite interesting.  FYI, police officers are supposed to identify speeding cars, track them for 2 seconds, visually estimate their speed, then confirm the speed with their radar gun.  His visually estimated speed just happened to match his radar gun reading precisely.  I am also confused how he could even see my car in heavy fog, but that is another matter entirely.

After the officer was done with his testimony I took the stand and the city prosecutor started grilling me.  When I checked Exhibit A into evidence the city prosecutor said “So, what you’re telling me is a giant cloud of fog descended on the entire city of Joplin?”  I explained that while the weather readings were taken at the airport, which was about 5 miles from where I got the ticket, chances were pretty darn good that there was fog where I got the ticket (especially since Weather Underground showed there was fog from 2:30 AM to 10:00 AM).  The city prosecutor continued to mock me for another couple of minutes and let the judge know he was finished.  I got the feeling the city prosecutor didn’t enjoy dealing with jerks like me that tried to weasel out of speeding tickets.

Surprisingly the judge believed me and waived the speeding ticket.  All I had to pay was court costs.  As I left the court room the judge told me I did a good job of defending myself.  A police officer that was providing security in the court room actually followed me out into the hallway, shook my hand and told me I did a great job of defending myself.  I was shocked.  My faith in the justice system has been partially restored.  If you need legal representation let me know.  Maybe I will take your case pro bono!

The recent tainted victory of France over Ireland during World Cup qualifying that punched France’s ticket to the World Cup — and sent Ireland home devastated has caused a worldwide outcry for instant replay.  I am of the opinion that introducing replay to soccer would be a big mistake.  Part of the beauty of the game is the incredible amount of stamina soccer players possess to run up and down the pitch nearly non-stop for 45 minutes each half.

I have played a variety of different sports in my life and have found soccer to be the most physically demanding.  If FIFA decides to introduce instant replay for questionable goals, handballs, offsides, etc. it would break the rhythm of the game and give less fit players/teams time to recover.  When the USA travels to Mexico to play games in the polluted air of Mexico City’s Estadio Azteca at an elevation of 7,500 feet that is just part of Mexico’s home field advantage.  It would be a shame to deprive Mexico of that home field advantage by letting the gringos catch their breath while a referee looked at instant replay footage!  If instant replay is ever introduced, FIFA should only use it to review controversial goals, for example where the referee is unable to tell if the ball crosses the goal line.  Look at Major League Baseball as an example.  MLB only reviews questionable home runs (fair/foul, over the wall/not over the wall) — and this does not seem to disrupt the flow of the game very often.

Irish fans have a right to be upset that a missed call cost them a chance at going to South Africa in 2010, but I believe most of their venom should be directed at the team, who missed multiple opportunities to book a trip to South Africa earlier on in qualifying.  Former Ireland captain Roy Keane said:

“They can complain all they want but France are going to the World Cup.  Get over it.  If I’d been there in the dressing room after the game, I wouldn’t be talking about the handball.  I’d focus on why the defenders didn’t clear it.  They should’ve cleared it.

I’d be more annoyed with my defenders and my goalkeeper than Thierry Henry.  How can you let the ball bounce in your six-yard box?  How can you let Thierry Henry get goal-side of you?  If the ball goes into the six-yard box, where the hell is my goalkeeper?  These are skills and lessons you learn as a schoolboy.

Ireland had their chances in the two games and they never took them but it’s the usual FAI (Football Association of Ireland) reaction – ‘we’ve been robbed, the honesty of the game…’ It’s rubbish.”

In his last 4 starts our mystery pitcher has the following stat line:

*26.3 innings, 16 hits, 1 earned run, 8 walks, 34 strikeouts*

The aforementioned pitcher is only 27 years old and has had success at the major league level before (14-11 in 2006 and a very impressive 3.76 ERA in 2007 with 208 innings pitched).  The price tag attached to this pitcher to land him in a trade is at an all time low due to his desire to remain at AAA rather than be promoted to the club he no longer wishes to play for.  The GM of this major league club has disclosed he is willing to trade the unhappy pitcher, but will not take a lowball offer.

The St. Louis Cardinals, specifically Dave Duncan, have an amazing track record for taking pitchers off the scrap heap and turning around their careers.  Look no farther than Braden Looper, Joel Pineiro and Kyle Lohse.  I’m confident our mystery pitcher would be the latest Dave Duncan success story should the Cards pony up the necessary prospect chips to get a deal done.  Ian Snell would come much cheaper than Roy Halladay or any of the other starting pitchers being discussed in the trade market.

Snell’s discontent with the Pirates reminds me of Jason Bay publicly blasting the organization, which ultimately helped lead to his trade.  This is understandable considering the Pirates alarming lack of success over the last decade and a half.  Not to make excuses for Snell’s sometimes unprofessional behavior, but I think a fresh start is exactly what the doctor ordered for Ian Snell.

After a perfect season in 2008, Lidge’s 2009 struggles inspired me to throw together this song:

I wish you would step back from that Lidge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the games that you’ve been losing in,
And if you don’t want to be in a save situation again I would understand.

Angry starters, a bit too insane,
Are you icing over secret elbow pain?
You know you don’t belong.

You and Brett Myers are the first to fight,
Your ERA is way too loud,
Angry boos raining down from the Philly crowd.

I know something’s wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason,
To say “Why can’t you put the game away?”

I wish you would step back from that Lidge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the games that you’ve been losing in,
If Myers, Moyer, Blanton, Hamels & Happ don’t want to see you again I would understand.

We went to Silver Dollar City recently for the lighting of the Christmas tree and the Parade of Lights.  We also went to the Living Nativity Show and as the three wise men presented baby Jesus with gold, frankincense and myrrh I found myself thinking of C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeria.  A little weird huh?  Playing the role of one of the wise men in the Yankee version of this Christmas story would be Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City, and a huge baseball fan in his own right.  During the Giuliani administration gears were set in motion to raise $1.3 billion in public funds (mainly via tax exempt bonds) for the construction of the new Yankee Stadium.  Playing the other two wise men (or “wise guys” perhaps, as this whole arrangement has a dirty feel to it) could be a variety of figures from City Hall who have been urging the IRS to allow even more tax exempt bonds to be issued for this project.  Of course the project has gone over budget by $350 to $400 million, thanks to last minute upgrades like a bigger video scoreboard and fancier luxury boxes.

When we were flush with cash in the mid to late 90’s this arrangement might not have seemed so absurd, but with the economy struggling it is causing considerable outrage.  The Yankees pay basically nothing out of pocket for their new stadium knowing they will reap the benefits of increased revenue when the new stadium is opened.  This allows them to go out and sign the best free agents available without worrying about whether or not the contracts actually make sound fiscal sense.  Would other organizations feel confident investing that much coin in A.J. Burnett’s oft injured arm?

To be fair I should mention the Mets have also received public financing for their new stadium — and I don’t intend to solely bash the Yankees with this post, but have a look at the mind boggling numbers below.

• Mark Teixeira — 8 years / $180 million
• C.C. Sabathia — 7 years / $161 million
• A.J. Burnett — 5 years / $82.5 million
• Total spent– $423.5 million

Despite this orgy of offseason spending I’d be willing to wager you won’t see them in the World Series in 2009.  Instead we’ll see a well run organization, like the Angels, Red Sox or Rays.

I was reading Dean Karnazes latest book this weekend and discovered a passage that sums up my feelings about running perfectly.

“Running teaches you that there’s a difference between working hard and feeling bad.  Consumer culture tries to teach us otherwise.  How many television commercials talk about making life easier?  If everything you knew about life came from your TV, your goal would be to live the easiest, most comfortable and unchallenging life you possibly could.  You would believe that the only good feelings are sensual pleasures such as the taste of a good soft drink and the fun of driving an expensive car and lying on the beach.

But it’s just not true.  Challenging and testing your mind and body, even to the point of exhaustion, failure, and breakdown, can feel as wonderful as anything else life has to offer.  I suppose the enjoyment of hard work is more of an acquired taste than the taste for pleasure and fun, but once you’ve acquired it, you’re blessed with more ways to feel good, and life is better.  Harder and better.”

I recently learned some of my friends (Dink Sommer, Steve Wright and Trent Baich) are all training for half marathons and marathons.  I’m glad to hear these guys are taking on such a challenge.  Good luck guys!

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Monday, June 9th marks the start of Robert DeVore’s Home Run Derby. Standings will be updated 3 times per week, usually on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The payout will be $150 for 1st and $30 for 2nd.  You can click the links below to view player selections and standings.

List of players selected:

http://franks151.mymiscfiles.com/baseball/HomeRunDerby.html

Current Standings:

http://franks151.mymiscfiles.com/baseball/Standings.html

Last night while my wife was working night shift at Freeman Hospital I assembled an Adirondack chair she purchased for our front porch. It took me a couple of hours to put together, but I thought I would “man up” and “git ‘er done” so she did not have to put it together this weekend. I thought she would come home from work and be thrilled that it was finished, but instead she said “Are there screws missing?” I replied “Yes, there is one screw missing.” She then mystified me by saying “Didn’t you count the screws before you put the chair together?”

You see, most men I know do not even bother reading the directions, let alone verifying that the underpaid Chinese factory workers that made the damn chair put EXACTLY fifty-two 1 3/4″ screws in the box. Instead of saying “No honey, I did not count all of the screws in the box to make sure they were all there before the assembly process”, I said something like “Are you f**king kidding me?” I then got very pissed off and stormed out of the house to work. My question to you, dear blog reader, is did I overreact? What would you have done in this situation?

Option #1: I would have apologized for not counting the screws before assembling the chair.

Option #2: I would have yelled at my wife and stormed off to work.

Option #3: I would have admitted she is right. Any good handyman would have counted each screw to make sure they were all there.

Option #4: I would have filed for divorce.

Option #5: I would have picked up the Adirondack chair and smashed it over another piece of furniture WWE style — and then busted out the Diamond Cutter.

“I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me you should acquire some taste.” –Stephen Colbert